Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Deviant Artist Jonathan KaneMale/United States Group :icondomain-of-darwin: Domain-of-Darwin
Evolutionists of DeviantArt
Recent Activity
Deviant for 11 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 143 Deviations 876 Comments 45,745 Pageviews

Newest Deviations



Mature Content

or, enter your birth date.



Please enter a valid date format (mm-dd-yyyy)
Please confirm you have reviewed DeviantArt's Terms of Service below.
* We do not retain your date-of-birth information.
The sun was shining on the shore,
With all his sunny might,
Although it was reportedly
The middle of the night—
For Wikipedia had said
That both these things were right.

It also said the water's waves
Were dry as dry could be,
That birds were flying through the sand,
And clouds were in the sea.
The article was therefore tagged
As not NPOV.

'Twas there that Roger Davies took
A walk with Jimbo Wales.
They strolled along the salty shore
And shared their many tales,
Of how their website changed the world
With knowledge it unveils.

And Jimbo said, "It's sad to see
How each and every day,
Our valued articles are filled
By those who'd rather say
That someone's mother is a slut,
Or that their dad is gay."

"If every single editor
fought vandals all at once,
Do you suppose," asked Wales, "that they
could clean up these affronts?"
"I doubt it," Roger Davies said.
"Our editors are cunts."

Then Jimbo spoke a sudden thought:
"We ought to advertise.
'Come spend your time and not be paid,'
We'll say across the skies,
And watch our count of editors
Begin a rapid rise."

"We'll make them feel more welcome
with a broken tool called Flow;
We'll teach our robots how to say
A mechanized hello,
And post my face on every page
To beg them for their dough."

They happened on a callow group
Whom Jimbo did beseech:
"O editors, come join our site,"
he said in sugared speech,
"For anyone can edit it,
Like you upon this beach."

The eldest person looked at him,
And not a word he said.
He crossed his arms in silent scorn,
And shook his hoary head:
For he preferred his knowledge from
A library instead.

But four young editors sprung up,
And then another four,
And thick and fast they came at last,
Like waves upon the shore—
All spellbound by the miracle
That Wales so proudly swore.

They followed Jimbo down the coast,
With wonder that they tasted;
They made accounts with simple trust
Their time would not be wasted,
And robots welcomed every one
With templates copy-pasted.

Now Roger Davies stopped the group
And told them all to wait,
So he could check the topics where
They'd chosen to debate—
Perhaps the website's gender gap,
or race, or Gamergate.

And Roger said, "The time has come
to have a little talk:
Of how expressing certain views
Is sure to earn a block,
Because, you see, it's evidence
That you are someone's sock."

"It's time you were familiar with
A thing called arbitration,
Where I make choices far removed
From public observation,
To do whatever's best for those
Of higher social station."

"But Jimbo said," the newbies cried,
"That anyone could edit!
How dismal you should take it back,
The very day you said it!"
Said Roger, "Read the policy.
It seems you have misread it."

The editors asked Jimbo next,
"Is it not also true,
That you can overturn a ban
Which seems unfair to you?"
And Jimbo said, "it's true I can.
I also never do."

"I weep for all of you," said Wales,
"I feel your pains and fears."
He then appointed Roger to
A term of two more years,
Holding a tissue to his face
To catch his streaming tears.

"O editors," said Jimbo Wales,
"Please have a pleasant day."
His platitude rolled emptily
Around the empty bay—
For every one he'd coaxed to join
Had quit and run away.
Jimbo Wales and Roger Davies
This poem requires a little explanation, for any of my watchers who don't pay attention to the things I write for other websites.

I wrote this poem for the Wikipedia criticism site Wikipediocracy. Two of Wikipediocracy's staff members are working on writing a book called Wikipedia through the Looking Glass, a book written with a with a Lewis Carroll theme to expose Wikipedia's inner workings. The poem is a parody of Carroll's poem The Walrus and the Carpenter, and was written with their book in mind, although I suspect the book is too close to completion for them to be able to incorporate my poem into it.

Most people who are familiar with Wikipedia have heard of Jimbo Wales, the website's co-founder and public face, although he has very little real power. Over the past five years, the person with the most influence over Wikipedia's day-to-day operation has been a far less famous individual named Roger Davies. Unlike Jimbo Wales, Roger Davies is an elected official, and had been consistently re-elected to his position ever since he first took office in January 2009.

A few months ago, I was the main author of an article for Wikipediocracy criticizing Roger Davies and how his decisions have affected Wikipedia. This poem contains references to a few of his actions discussed in my article, so I think the poem is easier to appreciate if you read them both.

I wrote this poem around the end of 2013, when Davies was about to begin another two-year term, but my occasion for uploading it is a more optimistic one. This month, for the first time since 2009, Davies has revealed that he isn't running for re-election. Of course, the question is whether his decision not to seek re-election was influenced by my Wikipediocracy article. He's claimed that it wasn't, but even if my article had this effect I wouldn't expect him to admit it in public. It's possible that I'll never know the answer for sure.


Jonathan Kane
United States
Current Residence: Mars
Favourite genre of music: Classic Rock
Favourite cartoon character: Wario, Cranky Kong, Chrono Trigger's Magus
Personal Quote: "One cannot treat a fever by throwing away the thermometer." --Arthur R. Jensen
For the past seven years, my featured deviation has been Dinosaurs are Still Here, partly because I felt like this story was a particularly good representation of my personality.  It's something that really happened to me in fall of 2000, and it's one of the main reasons for my attachment to dromaeosaurids (Deinonychus in particular) as well as how I feel about creationists.  It's also my first submission here that won any sort of award—it was chosen for something called "The Unknown Artists Project".

However, I also think my writing ability has improved since 2005.  I've been thinking for a while of updating my featured deviation, but couldn't figure out what I should change it to.  Even though "Cretaceous Roulette" is probably a better piece of writing overall, it's in three parts.  If I can only feature one part it would need to be the first one, since that's where anyone reading it should start, but having only part one featured might cause even more of the problem I've had with people reading the first part and then never reading any more of it.

Around two months ago, my poem The Maxberg Archaeopteryx won a Daily Deviation.  I guess maybe I should have posted something here about getting a Daily Deviation, since I'm not sure most of my watchers noticed.  I didn't put nearly as much time into this poem as I did into Cretaceous Roulette, but a poem that can be read in a few minutes is probably a better introduction to my gallery than a 28,000 word short story.  So even though it seems kind of strange for my featured deviation to not be the submission I consider best or spent longest on, I may as well take a hint from the DA admins.

AdCast - Ads from the Community



Add a Comment:
V-engefulN-emesis Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2015
A Link to the Past much?
The dark wizard writes and draws
ader-x Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2012
Agahnim, it seems you faked your death and decided to escape and time-travel between Mesozoic Era and today, safe from that Hyrulean brat. In order to complete that process, avoid a certain future Epona, accept my Llama, and everything will be alright!

Oh and a warning, if your royal wizardness is scared of strong women then make sure to never ever visit my castle in the DA kingdom :D
DemitriVladMaximov Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2012  Hobbyist Filmographer
I am so glad I took a look at your gallery and I understand exactly how you felt going through school. Although I was never punched or harassed for my beliefs I always felt alone since there was an artificial conflict between God and evolution and because of my belief in God I was worried that my greatest love (the study of dinosaurs) was going to condemn me because I allowed myself to be swayed out of ignorance. I salute you for having the courage to rise to your feet and hold true to what you knew was true. I hope that we can be friends and that you will perhaps read my paper if you have time.
Agahnim Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2012
Thanks. What do you mean by "read your paper", though? Is there a specific submission in your gallery you'd like me to look at?
DemitriVladMaximov Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2012  Hobbyist Filmographer
Actually it's a journal of mine intitled "God and evolution". It's also in the group we are both part of about theistic evolution.
Agahnim Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2012
So you're going with a "day = age" reading of Genesis 1? That's pretty similar to what I believed for most of the time that I was a Christian theistic evolutionist. I'm no longer certain that's the best way to resolve the conflict between paleontology and the Bible, but I also think that the details of how one goes about resolving it aren't extremely important.

Even though I think I have a pretty good understanding of Christian theology, now that I'm not a Christian anymore I don't care all that much about how consistent other people's theology is. The only thing that really matters to me nowadays is that people be willing to alter their interpretation of the Bible on the basis of physical evidence, and more specifically to find a way to interpret Genesis that's consistent with what we know about natural history. I can see you've done that, so as long as you're comfortable with this reading of Genesis from a theological perspective, it shouldn't be my place to critique that aspect of it.
FatCaiman Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I was never watching you on here? Strange. But I've remedied that now. =P I'll read your story soon. :D
Agahnim Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2011
Thanks for adding me back.

By the way, are you intending to register at some point at the Hell Creek forum? You told Ferahgo a while ago that you were interested in joining that forum, but as far as I can tell you haven’t yet. There’s currently a poll open about whether or not to create an RPG there, so if you’re intending to join and you have an opinion about that, you might want to join before the poll closes.
FatCaiman Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yes, I will. Thank you for the reminder. However, I probably won't have time to actually register and look around until after final exams, which for me end on the 15th. Sorry for the delay, I've also forgotten about it which explains why I didn't register earlier, when I had time...
khirainshambles Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2011
I appreciate the watch-back.
Add a Comment: